


A Simple Day In Can Town

by wickedradical



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cheesy, Dave POV, Drabble, M/M, can town gets rekt, dave rambles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 03:42:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10505685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedradical/pseuds/wickedradical
Summary: He walks over silently, at an agonizingly slow pace. Upon reaching you, he sits in your lap, and you grunt. “Get off me, you fat lug.” “You got it wrong. I’myourfat lug.” The troll grins, weaving his arms around your neck. “Oh, Dave human, give me some of your human sugar!”





	

“Be careful not to wake the grumpy old troll under the bridge!”

You grinned at the carapacian your crew had affectionately dubbed ‘The Mayor,’ waving him over. He skirted the various buildings constructed of spare cans and books, delicately tiptoeing over the carefully drawn(who were you kidding, Terezi couldn’t do _anything_ careful, even if she tried) chalk roads.

“He resides here because he likes to alienate himself.” You point towards Karkat, holding back a laugh. Gotta stay cool. For The Mayor. You adjust your shades, clear your throat, and continue. “Fitting since he’s an alien, right?” The Mayor looks at you in silence, gaze blank in incomprehension. “Oh, shoot!” You nearly knock over a spare bottle of Faygo in your sudden shock, scooting away from it carefully. “You’re an alien too, aren’t you? Did I offend you? Like..” You wave your hands around, looking for the right words. “Like alien racism or something! Is that even a thing?”

“Wait, dude… Do you even have the mental capacity to be offended? Not that I’m saying you’re _dumb_ or anything, but like.. You’re John, but even nicer. Oh, he’s my bro, by the way. Not my _Bro_ , bro, but my bro, bro. You know? Anyhow, I’m sure you two would get along quite well! I’m not sure why, I just get this feeling. Maybe it’s because that weird troll furry- Or was it a catgirl?- drew John and a little guy that looked like you on one of the walls in here. Granted, he had white clothes, not brown.” The little Dersite had been patiently listening, but as you paused to finally take a breath, he gestured to his clothing.

“Oh man..” You inspect it closer, and grimace at the dirt and grime. “I never really gave your clothes a closer look, because even that would be a little too homo for me. Are you even a guy? Do carapacians even have anything down there?” You narrow your eyes at him in inspection, your shades hopefully keeping the look from getting too intense. “Or is it all just carapace?” You grab one of his little hands, funning your finger over his hard, knobby knuckles.

His eyes are wide when you look into them, and you release his hand quickly. “No homo, dude, I swear.” You glance over at the doorway, hoping that none of the meteor’s resident girls were peeking in. No doubt you’d hear the end of this from _anyone_. But you seemed to be safe, and so went back to your soliloquy.

“I can’t believe those clothes used to be _white_ , but they must have been at one point. So you’ve met John, then?” You actually pause to let him answer, and after a moment of hesitation, The Mayor grabs a spare piece of blue chalk and scribbles out a crude drawing of the Egderp himself. “Aw, yeah!” You couldn’t help yourself from grinning, and gave up on trying to stifle it. It was The Mayor, he deserved an occasional smile or two.

“So you’ve been around for a pretty long time, huh? Or at least as long as our session goes, I guess.” You look at the rags that compose his outfit, noting how worn they are. “That’s pretty neat.” About to start on yet another spiel composed of completely unrelated subjects, you find yourself interrupted by the room’s third resident.

He’s not awake, thank _god_ , but as he shifts, you grimace. God knows as soon as one of those yellow eyes opened, your peaceful time with The Mayor would be long gone. Still, you can’t help but test fate, scooting over to the troll. From previous experience, you knew he could sleep through your loudest, illest beats if he was tired enough. A little chatter would be nothing.

You beckon the Dersite over closer, whispering in your best Australian accent. “Here we see the wild troll, asleep in his own natural habitat, the underbelly of a bridge.” Of course, you yourself had never watched any nature documentaries when you were little, but Jade had told you plenty about them and had even sent you links to a few clips.

“If you listen closely, you can hear him snoring like a bear.” You duck closer, and grimace. “He _clearly_ suffers from the breath of one. Who even knew aliens could have halitosis?” You look at The Mayor and shrug. He follows suit, glancing over at Karkat. The troll opens his eyes slowly, glaring at you.

“Whoops.” You chuckle and shrug your shoulders again as you realize that he’d probably been listening the whole time. “Jegus, Strider… No wonder you and Lalonde are related.” “Huh? I’m not that sassy, am I?” You put your hands on your hips and think, inevitably interrupted by Karkat. “No, you both _never_ shut up. I mean for-”

He moves his shoulders to start gesturing with his hands as he speaks, but the cans you’d stacked around him are suddenly shifted, and start tumbling to the floor. He lets out a yelp as several cans, no pun intended, _bean_ him in the head. One unlucky can of corn is speared on his nubby horn, and you figure that the cans must be awfully old and thin to be broken so easily.

You burst out laughing as yellow sludge starts dripping down and into his hair. However, you are too occupied with just how _funny_ it is to notice that he’d finally gotten up to _shove_ you over. Your reaction time had deteriorated awfully over the past few years on the meteor, and you yelp as the hard corner of a book digs into your shoulder blade.

You scramble to get up, glancing over at The Mayor, scared of his reaction. He is currently _flipping out_ , hands flailing everywhere in shock, fear, even frustration. The carapacian sits himself down and kicks his feet, but makes no sound. He clenches his eyes shut and hits himself on the head angrily, _as if it’s his fault_.

Karkat momentarily forgotten, you run over to the Dersite and take his wrists gently, keeping them away from his head. “Hey, hey, hey… It’s okay, it’s okay.” You shoosh him, rubbing one if his weirdly hard, skinny shoulders. You don’t even ask about the mysterious tattooed onto his arm.

“Hey…” You speak quietly, crunching down next to him so as not to appear like the lumbering, clumsy beast you’d just been proven to be. “You okay? Karkat didn’t mean to push me over, I swear.” You hear a stifled laugh, and shoot Karkat a glare as he raises his brows in your general direction. “Yes, I _know_ we _just_ rebuilt the Bubbles von Salamancer Memorial Library after Kanaya kicked it over, but we can just reassemble it, okay?”

The little carapacian looks close to tears, and you briefly wonder if they can even cry. You don't want to find out however, and feel a rush of relief when he nods his little black head. He gently tries to remove himself from your grasp, and you make him promise not to immediately hit himself when you do. With another nod, you set The Mayor free, but not before giving his forehead a little platonic kiss.

Job done, you glance over at Karkat, who is sitting down across the room and glaring at you. “What,” you speak, taking the turn to raise your brows at him. “Are you jealous?” “What do you mean.” He sounds unamused, voice gravelly from sleep(oh who were you kidding, it was always gravelly). “I’m asking if you want a kiss. Babe.”

His cheeks visibly flare up with blood of what you’ve been told is a detestable mutant shade. You could honestly care less about whether he was normal troll or not, and not even because you weren’t a troll. You expect him to immediately deny it, or at least look away like a stereotypical tsundere, but he holds your gaze silently.

After a moment that lasts incredibly long, he actually _does_ glance to the side. “Maybe. Is that such a crime?” “Definitely, we’re gonna have to send you to Can Town County Jail for that heinous deed. Do I need to call up Terezi?” You mime a phone with your fingers, pretending to speak into it. “Hello, yes, we have a certain troll under arrest for being too cute.”

You drop the act as he rolls his eyes. “Come here, dude.” He walks over silently, at an agonizingly slow pace. Upon reaching you, he sits in your lap, and you grunt. “Get off me, you fat lug.” “You got it wrong. I’m _your_ fat lug.” The troll grins, weaving his arms around your neck. “Oh, Dave human, give me some of your human sugar!” It’s your turn to sigh and roll your eyes, but you oblige.

As you kiss, you set your hands on his soft shoulders, hugging him closer. “Babe, you gotta stop taking such long naps, I missed you so much.” “Babe, you gotta stop calling me babe.” “Babe, it’s ironic.” He huffs and kisses you again, and while you have a feeling that it was only to shut up, you aren’t exactly looking down upon it.

You move your right hard up to card your fingers through his thick hair, murmuring against his cheek. “Dude, you’re so gay.” “I still don’t understand that. Gay? Homosexual? Why are you humans so weird?” “You know you love us.” He nods after a moment, too tired of your antics to argue. “Yeah, sure.”

What seemed like such a soft, romantic moment is inevitably interrupted, but not but another person like you’d expect. As you were running your fingers through his hair, you got yourself a handful of long-gone rotten corn. And while any normal person would ignore that in favor or more hot smooching, you screech like a maniac and fling yourself off of him.

Shaking the goo off of your hand, you make a big show of saying how gross it is. Karkat tries to give you a serious glare, but gave up and burst out laughing at your (albeit far dramatized) expression. And since he isn’t super pissed like any other normal person would be, you know he's _definitely_ a keeper.

You could swear that even The Mayor was smiling at the scene as he rearranged his cans.

**Author's Note:**

> this was so fun i love writing dave  
> his soliloquies are so fun to write because i have a habit of rambling as i write so it fits


End file.
